My Story
My name is Kiara Mills, I am 17 years old and I have severe depression and anxiety. I was never officially diagnosed until I was a sophomore in high school but I have had depression ever since I was in 7th grade. Ever since 5th grade I was bullied severely. It was torture for me, I never did anything to anybody I always tried to help and be there for people but I was the one being “attacked”. I got through 5th and 6th grade fine, I tried not to worry about it but once I got to 7th grade everything went downhill. I would go home everyday crying, I would sit in my room, I would lock myself away from everyone. It got to the point where I really couldn't take it anymore, being called fat, being called ugly and all these other names that I started starving myself. I wouldn't eat anything, I barely would drink anything and ended up losing 20 pounds in 3 weeks, which is so unhealthy. Eventually my friends caught on and went to my mom and that's when everything really started. She took me to the doctors and the doctor broke her heart telling her that if she hadn't brought me in then I could have died my body was already starting to shut itself down, that what I was doing was a form of a suicide and seeing her face was enough for me to start eating again. I would still lock myself away and cry everyday and stay away from people. I soon also started hating myself. I would then bully myself, telling myself I wasn't enough and deserved to be treated like this. My depression continued to get worse, yet I still hadn't said anything to anyone. Once I got to my sophomore year and tragedy hit I finally said something and found myself being diagnosed with both severe depression and severe anxiety. This broke my family's heart yet they continued to be by side and support through it all. Throughout all these years I had been harming myself, which no one else knew about either. I would have suicidal thoughts but never told anyone. When I finally did they still didn't go away, I didn't feel any better. That same year that I was diagnosed I found myself in an abusive relationship, which again did not help me whatsoever. I felt horrible about myself, like I wasn't good enough and that I deserved it. Once I finally got out i still felt horrible. I would again lock myself away from all of society, until one day I became close with a coworker, come to find out he wasn't what I thought he was. I ended up trusting him, way more than I should have. I sent this boy some pictures, that I shouldn't have, and come to find out he sent them around. Everything came crashing around me. I had already been having horrible suicidal thoughts and this threw me over the edge. I got home to find my mom calling me names, my family almost disowning me. I wanted to kill myself and was going to right then and there. I told my mom and next thing I know I'm sitting in a room, resembling what you would imagine an insane asylum would look like, all white walls, nothing but a bed and a tv put into the wall, covered by a “window” out of reach, in sturdy memorial hospital. I wanted to get out and wanted to change my mind right then and there but knew I couldn't, I knew I needed help. The next day I was transferred to a real mental health institute. I felt safe there, even if the rules were a little crazy. While there I got so much help, I gained so many strategies and was put on medication. I can now say today that I am doing so much better. I can do things that use to make me happy and can make me happy again. I can have normal mood swings now and be a normal teenager. My depression and anxiety will always be there but it won't stop me from being a normal teenager anymore. There is help out there and it can help, you can get through it, I promise.